FARMER NEEDS A WIFE: With Valentines Day around the corner and having successfully screwed his brothers out of the family farm ‘Wee’ Mickey is on the lookout for a wife.
This fine “young” farmer from Laois is looking for love from a country girl (or a townie/city girl who wants a “real” man) that’s not afraid to get down and dirty – Dear ladies, let us introduce you to the credentials of one of the most gracious studs to ever walk foot on the green fields of Co. Laois:
• A fine big farm house with 20 acres of what has been described by some as “barely fit for gazing”.
• Don’t be put off by the excess hair, the GP assure us it’s just a side effect of his fondness for his home brew Poitin
• ‘Wee’ Mickey in name only 😉
• He represented his local Macra na Feirme in the Leinster Mr Personality Competition in 2009 – finishing a credible 73rd.
• An “interesting” body odour composed of a scent of shit mixed with considerable amounts of Lynx Africa and Brut aftershave.
• A big Irish country music enthusiast – Jimmy Buckley, Mick Flavin, Declan Nerney, Brendan Shine and the late great Big Tom are his favourites on the cassette player – none of that modern crowd like Nathan Carter for Wee Mickey – expect maybe Lisa McHugh.
• You’ll never have to worry about him chasing other women – he’s only interested in chasing cattle.
• His hobbies include shovelling shit, talking shite in the public houses around the nearest Big Smoke(Portlaoise), farm related reality TV, scrolling for hours on end on Done Deal and numerous farm animal and machinery websites and social media sites.
• Drinking copious amounts of pints (weekends, bank holidays, Christmas, New Year, Halloween, Easter, St. Patrick’s week and every 2nd Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday only) – strictly for medicinal reasons only of course.
Here is his wive requirements list:
• Looks unimportant – but she should be muscular – think 1970’s East German shot putter like physique.
• This knight in not so shining overalls requests a queen who will milk twice a day while also calving cows so as not to disturb his delicate sleeping pattern.
• A farm reality TV fan: It’s likely that the two of you will be watching live footage from the calving shed on the television – waiting for the next cow to calve on a very regular basis.
• A woman that is more 50 shades of hay than 50 shades of grey.
Time wasters and tyre kickers need not apply.
Message us here – if you wish to be considered for a possible introduction to ‘Wee’ Mickey.